God’s Timing (but on my watch)

One thing that feels "right" about going to seminary this fall is the timing. I feel ready for graduate school because I’m frustrated with where I find myself.

I'm frustrated because I feel like I know a little bit about a lot of things, but not enough to be able to make a difference in the world. Even "working for social justice" is a frustrating concept for me. Of course that's what we're all doing, right? Or at least what we’re called to do? And yet, I lack confidence in my ability to expound and reflect on why that is the path I’m choosing, let alone to actually walk it. I haven’t read the books. I haven’t participated in the (classroom) discussions. I haven’t done the research. In short, I haven’t done the work. And I feel called to do the work. In order to grow into my own becoming, to be a person who is engaged in the world, I need to do the work.

Here’s another way to think about it: I’m 26 years old. I’m college educated, and a critical thinker. I listen to NPR because I want to know what’s happening in my city, country and beyond those boarders. But—and this is in some ways related to my age—I haven’t found my niche yet. I care about “the world,” but that’s so vague. I’m frustrated because my passion for living in this world feels undefined in so many ways. I’m aware of the “big issues,” injustices that are so pervasive in most cultures that they often go unnamed. You know what I’m talking about: climate change, starvation, poverty, war, genocide, rape . . . I’m familiar with these concepts in broad, rather than particular terms.

That’s another way to frame this reflection: we participate in the universal by engaging in the particular. I see the universal, and it’s so damn big that it feels next to impossible to navigate, or influence it. How do we engage in our world? Through the particular. How do we know love? Through our relationships with particular people in our lives. How do we create change in our communities? Through grassroots movements. (I know the latter mostly by observing other people, and not as much from my own experience.) So, how can I “make love, not war” into a way of life, instead of a bumper sticker?

Short-term (or everyday) answers to that question include things like supporting my local coffee shop (like I am as I write this). Long-term answers? That’s the “what am I going to do with my life?” question. Attending LPTS* feels like the “medium-term” answer for me right now. The M.Div. is an intense, three-year program that “educate[s] men and women to participate in the redemptive ministry of Jesus Christ in the world,” from the website. To reframe, I see the M.Div. program as preparation for a particular way of engaging (“redeeming”) the world. For those who might not know, the Presbyterian Church—PC(USA)—is liberal compared to most other denominations. So, “redemptive ministry,” as I understand it, is not necessarily the same thing as witnessing to non-believers about accepting J.C. as their personal L&S.

". . . What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8) Maybe it’s just the Presbyterians that I hang out with, but I understand that to be the mission statement of the Presbyterian denomination, and as the purpose of church in general. “To do justice” is easier for me to claim than the other two. “Loving kindness” is too cliché, and the part about God and humility is about God (and humility), so . . . that’s part of wrestling/struggling with God, for me. Or, maybe it’s the part that calls for deconstruction and reframing . . . I don’t know . . .

Put another way, I don’t believe half of this shit that is “church.” And, I believe in this shit (mess, whatever) that is “church.” I don’t believe that Jesus Christ is the answer to some all-important Life Question. Christ is called The Way—one of many, many valid ways or traditions or frameworks—one that describes how people called “Christians” choose to live in the world.

And I’m like, sorta kinda, almost, maybe, possibly ready to make that choice for myself. I mean, I think.

So, now’s a good time to go to seminary.

* Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary

Discerning Seminary: The "Ministry Question"

On February 14, 2011, I submitted my application for admission to the Master of Divinity program at the Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. This blog entry marks the beginning of a series of reflections on pursuing a seminary education. I hope you'll read along..... feel free to throw some questions at me, like, "WTF?" or "what motivates you to go back to school, particularly in a theological setting?" You know, stuff like that.

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"What ministry do you feel called to?"

That's a question that I've heard from a few people since I announced my decision to apply to seminary. The question comes as a surprise to me; I'm almost startled by it. First of all, "ministry" is not a word that appears regularly in my vocabulary. It's worse than a dirty word; it's a church-y word, one of those words that is mired in negative connotations, or at least clouded by a vague sense of confusion and angst for me.

Ministry? Who, me? Let's get a few things out of the way up front: I've never been baptized, I don't aspire to go on a mission trip, and "ministry" is the kind of work that other people do. I don't mean to generalize about anyone. I just mean, anybody but me.

But after giving it some thought, I realize that I feel called to . . . uhhh . . . what was it . . . teach! Yeah, teach . . . college. Or, write. I'm called to teach and write theology. Or, work for a non-profit organization like the Kentucky Foundation for Women. Or, be a pastor? I don't know about that one. I know some pastors. They're cool and everything, but they work like, at a church. You know? Every day, that's what they do. I guess. Worse than that, they work for the church.

So, here's my answer to the ministry question. My "ministry" (passion) involves writing and maybe teaching and hopefully working to make the world a better place, especially for women and girls. Whew! I thought this discernment stuff was going to be hard! What's next?