One thing that feels "right" about going to seminary this fall is the timing. I feel ready for graduate school because I’m frustrated with where I find myself.
I'm frustrated because I feel like I know a little bit about a lot of things, but not enough to be able to make a difference in the world. Even "working for social justice" is a frustrating concept for me. Of course that's what we're all doing, right? Or at least what we’re called to do? And yet, I lack confidence in my ability to expound and reflect on why that is the path I’m choosing, let alone to actually walk it. I haven’t read the books. I haven’t participated in the (classroom) discussions. I haven’t done the research. In short, I haven’t done the work. And I feel called to do the work. In order to grow into my own becoming, to be a person who is engaged in the world, I need to do the work.
Here’s another way to think about it: I’m 26 years old. I’m college educated, and a critical thinker. I listen to NPR because I want to know what’s happening in my city, country and beyond those boarders. But—and this is in some ways related to my age—I haven’t found my niche yet. I care about “the world,” but that’s so vague. I’m frustrated because my passion for living in this world feels undefined in so many ways. I’m aware of the “big issues,” injustices that are so pervasive in most cultures that they often go unnamed. You know what I’m talking about: climate change, starvation, poverty, war, genocide, rape . . . I’m familiar with these concepts in broad, rather than particular terms.
That’s another way to frame this reflection: we participate in the universal by engaging in the particular. I see the universal, and it’s so damn big that it feels next to impossible to navigate, or influence it. How do we engage in our world? Through the particular. How do we know love? Through our relationships with particular people in our lives. How do we create change in our communities? Through grassroots movements. (I know the latter mostly by observing other people, and not as much from my own experience.) So, how can I “make love, not war” into a way of life, instead of a bumper sticker?
Short-term (or everyday) answers to that question include things like supporting my local coffee shop (like I am as I write this). Long-term answers? That’s the “what am I going to do with my life?” question. Attending LPTS* feels like the “medium-term” answer for me right now. The M.Div. is an intense, three-year program that “educate[s] men and women to participate in the redemptive ministry of Jesus Christ in the world,” from the website. To reframe, I see the M.Div. program as preparation for a particular way of engaging (“redeeming”) the world. For those who might not know, the Presbyterian Church—PC(USA)—is liberal compared to most other denominations. So, “redemptive ministry,” as I understand it, is not necessarily the same thing as witnessing to non-believers about accepting J.C. as their personal L&S.
". . . What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8) Maybe it’s just the Presbyterians that I hang out with, but I understand that to be the mission statement of the Presbyterian denomination, and as the purpose of church in general. “To do justice” is easier for me to claim than the other two. “Loving kindness” is too cliché, and the part about God and humility is about God (and humility), so . . . that’s part of wrestling/struggling with God, for me. Or, maybe it’s the part that calls for deconstruction and reframing . . . I don’t know . . .
Put another way, I don’t believe half of this shit that is “church.” And, I believe in this shit (mess, whatever) that is “church.” I don’t believe that Jesus Christ is the answer to some all-important Life Question. Christ is called The Way—one of many, many valid ways or traditions or frameworks—one that describes how people called “Christians” choose to live in the world.
And I’m like, sorta kinda, almost, maybe, possibly ready to make that choice for myself. I mean, I think.
So, now’s a good time to go to seminary.
* Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary
1 comment:
I choose a somewhat Buddhist approach to how I go out to change the world; I too saw how big the world is and how little difference one perosn generally makes. The Buddhists believe by personally living a better life and leading by example we first make our own personal lives better, which makes our immediate "world" around us a slightly better place, which will eventually make the entire world a better place. The advantage is that you can see the changes you make in your own world and how it affects the people around you. Helping a co-worker feel better may not stop the starvation in Africa (or fix whatever other problems anywhere else), but it at least gets the ball rolling in the right direction of change.
I guess I try to see it as the snowball effect, but in a good way instead of a bad way.
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